When You're a Muddy Mess

Hey all,

We brought our white horses, Blizzard and Flint, into Carr Lake Community Day School (an alternative ed school for kids who have been expelled from other schools) today. We had a great time talking about the stories of these rescue horses and and trouble with having white horses in winter (wow, they get dirty!). Here's an excerpt, and a take-away for us all:

            I, too, often become a muddy mess when confronted with the storms of life. When the rain beats down hard and creates so much muck and mud that I not only find myself standing in it, but I also wallow it. And sometimes it stains me dark brown and nasty green.

            Sometimes I am not who I was created to be, not anymore. But God do isn't leave me that way. Like me with my horses, God gets out the brushes and hose and delights to make me clean and whole again.

             So when we look at ourselves and say, “Girl (or boy), you’re a muddy mess!” it’s good to remember that our God sees beneath the dirt and stains. He loves us enough to make us clean and beautiful again, no matter how many times we roll in the muck.

Get Rid of Those Dead Branches!

Hi Friends,

It's tree trimming time of year again, and I was reminded of this story when Grandpa and I trimmed trees together . . .

Trimming Trees with Grandpa

I stared up at the branches of the oak tree and swung the puny set of clippers in my hand. It was hot. The branches were high. But not high enough. At least not according to my kids.

I walked around the tree trunk twice, evaluating the task at hand. A moment later, three of my daughters rode up on their horses and stopped outside the tree’s canopy. “If it was all just a foot higher,” one said, “we could ride underneath and not hit our heads.”

I sighed. “But the shade is better this way.”

“Mooooom.” 

 “I know, I know. Not safe.” I groaned. I knew I needed to do some trimming, but it would be so much easier to just let the branches be. Maybe it would be better to wait for the weather to be cooler, or for a better set of clippers, or for life to be easier, or to feel more encouraged,or energetic, or hopeful, or passionate, or … 

I drew a deep breath. No. Today was the day. Even though it was hard work, and I was ill equipped, and, well, I really didn’t feel like it.

         Still, I raised the clippers and made my first cut on the lowest branch. Snip, snap. A twig skittered down my shirt. Snap, snip. Another twig and three dry leaves stuck in my hair. Snip, snip, crack! A bigger branch came tumbling down. I jumped aside. Then, I squinted up into the canopy. The small hole I’d made revealed a network of dead branches tucked behind the living ones, branches I hadn’t noticed before. They were ugly, unhealthy. 

         I stood on my tiptoes but couldn’t reach the newly exposed deadness. Now what was I going to do? I couldn’t leave all that bare lifelessness just hanging there.

         “What are you doing?”

         I turned to see Grandpa striding toward me, a frown marring his brow. 

         I stared up at the tree again. “Trimming! But this is a bigger job than I thought.”

         Grandpa moved beside me and glanced up at the dead branches. “You need a chainsaw for that. And a ladder.”

“I don’t know how to work the chainsaw.”

He laughed. “A chainsaw is above your pay grade.”

I smiled as Grandpa trundled back to his garage and came back with a ladder and saw. Then together, and only together, we began to tackle the hard-to-reach branches. I held the ladder and handed him tools. He trimmed and cut. And we both looked for more dead branches nestled within the canopy. 

In time, the deadness was gone, the tree branches were higher, and the tree was lush and lovely, just as it was meant to be. I grinned. Grandpa grinned. Then we sat down beneath the tree and enjoyed some iced tea in the shade. 

After a few minutes, Grandpa set down his glass and murmured, “This will be better when winter comes.”

“What do you mean?”        

“Winter storms. Wind can blow through the branches because they’re cleaned up. Storm won’t knock this tree down.”

And all because we cleared away the deadness.               

There are dead places in my life too. In John 15:2 (NIV), Jesus says of God, “He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful.” In the original Greek, the word for “he prunes” is the same as the word for “he cleans.” Just as Grandpa helped me to clean up the oak tree, so too God helps me to clean up the dead places in my life so I can be more fruitful, more of what he created me to be. It’s not an easy task. And the chainsaw of life is also above my pay grade. 

But God comes alongside me. He brings the ladder and wields the chainsaw. He is the one to cut and prune. Yet, I must stand with him, looking for the dead places, doing my part. Together, God and I can make my life into the beautiful tree it was meant to be.

Because when the dead branches are cleared away, my kids can safely run and play in my shade. I will provide a better resting place from the heat of the sun, and more importantly, God and I can sit in the shade and enjoy a refreshing drink of grace together. 

And when the storms come, and I know they’ll come, I won’t be blown off course because now the Holy Spirit can now rustle through my branches.

Watching for Wonder at Juvenile Hall

Hi Friends,

Just a quick note today. As you probably know, I've been so enjoying my time with our horses and animals at juvenile hall. The guys there are so receptive to honest, open relationships and appreciate the time we spend with them. They are SUCH good role models in that way (who knew?!?!). 

I am reminded that we, too, are often "incarcerated" in this life. And what if we, if I, received whatever God brought to me with gratitude, openness, and appreciation. What if I spent my time watching for the wonder God brings? I want to do that!

I've learned other things from the guys, too. Things like ...

--there's beauty all around me, even in difficult situations

--I matter (just like they matter) and am beloved by God no matter what I've done

--I am seen, heard, and Someone cares

--I have a choice - I can receive what God is offering to me, or I can choose to be closed off, angry, resentful. I can also choose gratitude or blame. I choose gratitude!

--I am not alone. God is always with me.

Anyway, those are just a few of the things I'm pondering and letting sink deep as I meet with these kids who have made terrible mistakes, have been through terrible trauma, and are precious, wondrous, unique and beautiful people. When I am with them, I see God.

I hope you see Him where you are too!

Dare to Trust

Hi Friends,

I've been thinking about this story to share at juvenile hall. See what you think! Maybe you will find this story of two wild horses encouraging as well.

Two Wild Horses

            Two new horses. Untrained. Barely handled. I looked at the two in their stalls in my barn. Both were sweet, both had a kind eye, but one gazed back at me with trust while the other snorted with suspicion.

            I walked over and pet the mare, Cookie, who turned her head to accept my embrace. Maverick snorted again. I raised a hand slowly to touch his face over the fence. He allowed the touch, but no more.

            I sighed. A few weeks earlier we had picked both horses up from the equine rescue. My daughters wanted to train up a couple horses for the rescue so that they would be more easily adoptable. A summer project, they said. To help the horses and the rescue.

            I’d agreed. 

            So there they were, two wild horses, ready to be transformed into the animals they were meant to be.

            Weeks passed. My daughters worked diligently with both horses. The mare loved the work. She loved to have people come give her attention. She trusted her young trainers, listened carefully, and met them every day at her gate. With each new lesson, she tried to learn, endeavored to understand. She even allowed the farrier to trim her hooves and keep her feet healthy.

            The gelding wanted to please as well. He wanted to learn. But he was afraid. He stood at the back of his stall, unsure if he could trust a person enough to walk forward. What if someone hurt him? What if it went badly? What if those training him were cruel instead of kind? He tried too. He endeavored to understand. But his fears interfered with his training. He wouldn’t allow the farrier near his feet, even though they were badly in need of a trim and hurting him. So he had to endure too-long hooves with chips and cracks.

            The end of the summer drew near. The mare was already being ridden, learning reining cues and how to stop, turn, start. She had come a long way from the horse who knew nothing except that her trainer was to be trusted.

            The gelding had come a long way too. My daughters could touch him, lead him, and saddle him. But he still couldn’t be ridden. A rider scared him too much. Once, he’d kick one of my girls. Another time he’d spun and kicked out at another. And his hooves were still long and broken.

            My daughters had spent their summer simply trying to gain his trust. And they’d been able to move forward. But the horse who was able to trust had learned so much more. She was happier, healthier, and ready to accept new challenges. Fears had not held her back.

            In the end, we ended up adopting the mare. She trusted us, so we could trust her. The gelding was scheduled to go back to the rescue to be further trained and worked with until he could have his feet trimmed and learn to trust a rider.

            As I thought about those two horses, I saw that trust is key to growth. When I am like the mare, trusting God, eager for his presence and his lessons, I move forward in relationship with him with less pain and able to accept his love. I can hold still for his care and move forward with nice, trimmed toes.

            When I am like the gelding, snorting, holding back, fearful, God still works with me, loves me, trains me, but the task is more difficult and filled with unnecessary pain.

            Sometimes, like the gelding, I have good reasons for my lack of trust, lack of faith. Things in my past have hurt me, made me suspicious, cautious, and sometimes fearful. But whether I reasons or not, the results are the same. Fear hurts me. Lack of trust and faith keeps me from fully becoming who I was created to be. 

            Reasons or not, trust is better.

            Psalm 112:6-8 (NIV) tells us, “Surely the righteous will never be shaken…They will have no fear of bad news; their hearts are steadfast, trusting in the Lord. Their hearts are secure, they will have no fear…”

            So, as I stand in my barn, considering the difference between two wild horses, I know that I want to be more like Cookie, the mare. I want to dare to trust more, believe more, love more. Despite my past hurts. Despite past pain.

            I want to dare to trust the God who loves me, and let him guide me as a rider guides the horse he loves. I want a steadfast heart that trusts God without fear. 

            And I want to be his forever.

Faith or Fear?

Hi Friends,

Just shared this story at juvenile hall this week. Maybe you will also find it encouraging...

Faith or Fear?

         The door burst open. Bethany rushed through, her thirteen-year-old sister screaming in her arms.

         I leapt from the couch. “What happened?”
         “Comet trampled her.” 

         Bria loved her new horse. She spent hours with him, and nothing like this had ever happened before.

         Bethany hurried to the couch and laid a writhing Bria on it. I knelt beside her. “Where does it hurt?”

         Tears streamed down her face as she pointed to her pelvis and upper thighs. “My lower back too,” she gasped.

         Ever so carefully we pulled off her jeans and examined the deep, already-forming bruises. 

         “Can you move your toes?”

         She did. “He, he got scared.” She spoke between sobs. “Didn’t know what he was doing. Ran right over me.”

         I frowned. “Do you think anything’s broken?”

         She gulped. “I don’t know. Ahhhhh!” A yowl burst from her lips as my fingers barely brushed the bruises. “It hurts. It hurts really bad.” She choked on a sob as I rose and turned to a terrified Bethany. 

         “I’m going to bring the car to the front door. Can you get her in the back seat?”

         Bethany bit her lip and nodded.

         I ran for the car and drove it as close to the door as I could. Bethany scooped up Bria and laid her in the back seat. 

         Then we sped to the emergency room of our local hospital. Bethany lifted Bria and raced her inside. I parked and hurried after them.

         By the time I entered, Bria was already sitting at the nurse’s station, describing in gasps what had happened.

         “I was leading my horse up the hill to the round pen like I always do. Everything was normal. But then something happened. Something rustled in the bushes. I don’t know. He got scared. I tried to calm him, but he wouldn’t listen. He pulled away. Then pushed me down. Trampled me as he ran off into the poison oak.”

         The nurse then typed in notes about her injuries and called for a bed. Moments later, Bria was rolled inside, given painkillers, and scheduled for numerous tests and scans that would happen in the following hours.

         Late that night a doctor entered Bria’s hospital room and smiled. Then he shook his head. “I don’t know how, but she’s going to be okay. There are no broken bones or internal injuries.” He glanced at Bria. “It’s going to hurt like crazy for several days, and I suggest you use crutches, but I don’t anticipate any problems with you healing right up.”

         After a collective sigh of relief, Bria was fitted for crutches, and we headed home. Halfway there, I glanced over at Bria. “What are we going to do about Comet?”

         She sighed. “He just needs to learn to not lose his head when he’s scared. He just needs to learn to trust me.”

         Profound words from a thirteen-year-old girl who just had the scariest experience of her life.  In all her pain, all her fear, she had kept her head. I had too (you have to when your kid gets hurt!). Comet had not. In his fear, he had hurt the person who loves him most in all the world. He had run right over her. 

         In Isaiah 41:10 (NIV), God tells us, “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” 

         Unlike Comet, we need to trust the One who leads us to where we need to be. When there’s something rustling in the bushes, when we see something flapping out of the corner of our eye, we have a choice. Faith or fear? Do we stay calm and keep following the One who is taking us up the hill to the place where we can grow stronger? Or do we let fear dominate our actions so that we turn on the ones who love us and hurt them?

         Fear hurts, not only the one who’s afraid, but also everyone around them. It tramples, it bruises, then it runs off into places filled with poison.

         But we don’t have to fear. In the months since the accident, Comet has learned how to trust, how to have faith, despite his fears. We can too. 

         Even in the face of triggers, of things that have scared us or gone wrong in the past, God is asking us to trust the One leading us to higher ground.

Will You Save a Seat for God?

Hi Friends,

A little story I thought you might enjoy . . .

Save a Seat

 

            The lights dimmed. Kids wiggled on the bench in the big auditorium.  Mostly my kids wiggled, eagerly awaiting the show that would commence in just minutes. The theater filled with families, parents, grandparents, singles, until the room buzzed with breathing, whispering, and the rustle of many bodies pressed into a space.

            An usher dressed in a bright blue jacket pushed up the aisle. He leaned over my youngest who sat at the end next to her sister.  Jordyn widened her seat, her arms spread to the side, her feet swinging.

            “Squeeze in, please.” The usher waved toward the center of the bench.

            Jordyn lifted her chin. “No. Daddy’s seat.”  She straightened and did not budge. “Daddy sits here!”

            “You need to scoot in, please.”

            “My Daddy is sitting here.” Her voice came out low, but determined. She was not going to move. And no usher, no matter how fancy his suit, was going to make her.

            The usher moved on. 

            Bria’s voice rose over the hush around us. “Jordyn! He asked you to move!”

            Jordyn scowled. “No. I told you. Daddy sits here.”

            Bria make a face and looked down the row at me. “Mom! Make her move. Dad can sit on the other end.”

            I shook my head. “I don’t think anyone’s changing her mind. Looks like Daddy’s going to be sitting right there.” I grinned. Daddy was out parking the car after letting us off at the door. He would come soon, and in the meantime, his little girl was determined to save him a seat right by her.  

            A few minutes later, Bryan trotted up the aisle to our row. 

            Jordyn beamed. “I saved you a seat, Daddy!” She scooted over. 

            But instead of sitting beside her, Bryan scooped up his little girl into his arms and sat her on his lap. For the rest of the show, she snuggled happily in his arms and enjoyed the warmth of her Daddy’s love. When the lights dimmed further and the darkness came, Jordyn was not afraid. When a cannon boomed and smokey stage-fire shot toward us, the rest of us jumped, but Jordyn stayed snug against her daddy. When the show slowed and the dialogue became too complex for Jordyn to understand, she didn’t squirm, she didn’t complain, she just sat tucked in Daddy’s arms.

            On the way home, I thought about the wisdom of a little girl who so fiercely protected Daddy’s seat, the place where her father could come near to her and show her his love.

            I want to be that little girl. I want to be the kind of daughter who cannot be persuaded to give up her Father-in-Heaven’s seat beside her. I want to be the one who so longs to be near my Abba Daddy that I make sure I save His seat and don’t let anyone else sit there. I don’t let anyone else take His place.

            Even if someone bigger than me in fancy clothes tells me there’s no room for my Father here in such a public place, even if a family member thinks I’m wrong and tells others, even if a kind stranger asks if he can sit there instead ... the place closest to me, the place closest to my heart, must be reserved for the God who loves me more than I can imagine. 

            Hebrews 10:22-23 (NIV) says, “...let us draw near to God with a sincere heart and with the full assurance that faith brings, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.” Similarly, James 4:8 (NIV) calls us to, “Come near to God and he will come near to you.”

            So today, and every day, I want to save the seat closest to my heart for my Father, who will come, scoop me up, and hold me next to his heart even when the lights go dark, even cannons boom, even when everyone around me is afraid, even when I don’t understand what’s happening in the show. 

            My Father will hold me close, if only I save His seat.

Meet My New Baby (Horse) - Whisper!

Hi Friends,

I've finally named my new 2 year old baby mustang! Meet Whisper!! 

He is named after this poem I wrote in 1994:

WHISPER

Whisper to my heart of truth

And kill the doubt in me.

Whisper of a dawning hope

That all my fear will flee.

Whisper in my waiting ear

Of love I cannot buy.

Whisper of a wooden cross

Where Jesus chose to die.