A Longing for Jesus (a poem)

Hi Friends,

Life has been tough lately. but I notice that what God is growing in me is an ever deepening longing for Him. And so, I thought of this poem I wrote years ago . . .

The Moth

As a moth is drawn to light,

So am I drawn to You, my God.

Though the darkness presses in around me,

And my wings have wearied in the night,

Though I beat against unrelenting glass,

Still my heart longs for Your light.

I will keep flying, fluttering, straining

To be closer, closer, closer yet

To You, my desire, my life, my love,

Closer to Jesus, my Light.

Are You Carrying Too Much?

Hi Friends,

I spent the day with my professional horse trainer daughter today. She helped me with our horse program at Carr Lake School, then we went to see a donkey (she evaluated him!). And we got a new donkey (the pictures of of her and the new guy). She's come a long way since she was a toddler, but both her and I still struggle with carrying too much all at once. Here's a story about that...

Too Many Toys

            “Stop! Wait!” My heart thudded in my throat as I rushed up the stairs toward my toddler daughter. She stood at the very top of the staircase, ready to descend. At least I assumed it was my daughter. All I could see were two little legs sticking out from a giant pile of stuffed animals. The pile consisted of every toy animal that Bria owned. She carried them all, her body completely blocked by the mound she clutched in her arms. 

            “Nooooo! Not another step!” I reached the top and snatched her away from the stairs. “What are you doing?”

            “Mumph, murf, umpf, urg.”

            I tugged a couple fluff balls away from her face. 

            She grinned. “Mine!”

            I sighed and looked closer. Not only were her arms filled with animals, but she also held her princess purse, a hat, her favorite socks, and who knows what else. “You can’t carry every single thing you own all at once.”

            She scowled and clutched the heap tighter. 

            “Especially going down stairs. It’s not safe. You could fall. Big owie!”

            She didn’t drop a single thing. “Mine.”

            I shook my head then proceeded to gently remove one thing after another from Bria’s grip until she held a reasonable three items. She fussed a little, but as we walked back to her room and placed the animals, hats, socks, and purses back where they belonged, she relaxed. 

            I patted the top of her dresser. “Everything’s right here in its place, for when you need it,” I assured her. “But for now, three things are enough to carry. Okay?”

            She huffed, but didn’t disagree. Then she tucked two toys under one arm and gripped the other in her hand. 

            I extended my arm for her to take my hand with her free one. She did, and we walked back into the hallway and descended the stairs safely, together. 

            This wasn’t the first time Bria had overpacked her arms. A couple days before, she’d staggered around the living room with her giant stash of stuff. A week before that, she believed it absolutely necessary to move all her toys from the bedroom to the bathroom, in one trip. I didn’t approve of her methods those other times, but going down stairs with a pile too big to even see around was way beyond the limits.

            Bria didn’t understand limits.

            She gets that from her mom.

            It’s true that I don’t carry all my toys in my arms at once, but I do tend to schedule days and weeks so full that I can’t see around the heap. And it certainly isn’t safe to tackle the ups and downs of life carrying such a load. But like Bria, I somehow think I should carry all my life-things at once until I, too, am hobbling around my daily life with a giant load of to-do’s that blind me to dangers, others, and even blind me to joy. I simply can’t see around everything I’ve gathered up in my arms. 

            So lately, God’s been calling out to me, “Stop! Wait!” as he travels up the stairs to gently remove things from my over-filled arms. It seems that I understand “too much” just about as well as Bria does, which is hardly at all. I need my heavenly Father to teach me. So sometimes, he’s been canceling things for me when he thinks I’m overbooked and in over my head. Sometimes he lets me stagger around the living room until I figure out that too much is too much. Sometimes he quietly points out that I can leave some things in their proper place and just carry the few things that need attention now. 

            And hopefully, I, like Bria will learn the right amount to carry at once. Hopefully, I’ll recognize what is safe, and what causes me to not be able to see where I need to go. 

            These days, I’m pondering Psalm 118:5-6 (NIV): “When hard pressed, I cried to the Lord; he brought me into a spacious place. The Lord is with me; I will not be afraid…”

            He brings me to a spacious place, a place where I can see, where I can breathe, where I can face the ups and downs of my life with one hand in his. He brings me to a place where my arms are no longer so full that I can’t see him.

            The Lord is with me. I just need to stop carrying everything all at once.

Slogging through Mud? Here's Hope!

Hi Friends,

We're just getting over some HUGE winter rainstorms, with flooding, mudslides, fallen trees, etc. I was reminded of this story from a few winters ago . . .

Winter Wonderland?

In winter, we don’t get snow. We get rain. A lot of it. It falls from the sky in tiny sprinkles, in waving sheets, in giant bucket-dumping sloshes until driveways glisten and puddles form enticing pools for kids to jump in with their new canvas tennis shoes. It rains until potholes become craters and horse pens become mud baths. 

Until there’s nothing but mud and muck and mess.

I’m a much bigger fan of spring. At least, I used to be.

After all, the winter slog is the same every year. I slip on oversized rubber boots, tramp through swamp-like terrain to clean horse stalls, scoop out puddle-filled pig pens, and scrap gunk off equines who have all become the same dark brown color of soggy dirt. Palominos, greys, whites, chestnuts, and duns … all the color of wet earth. Then I trudge back home. I wipe doggie feet. I wash shoes. I clean too many floors. I do it all over again the next day. 

And I thank God for the rain because I live in California where there have been too many years of drought.

But mud is no fun. Muck can be discouraging. And nobody likes a mess.

We like life to be tidy. We like it to go according to plan, our ducks in a row, our horses all their natural colors. Just as it should be.

We like the spring. Winter is too messy.

Yet, as I pull on the big rubber boots one more time, grab a shovel, and head to the barn, I notice something. The patches of clover that died in the fall have started to come to life again. A few bright yellow flowers dot a landscape that had turned to dust. And the little sprigs I planted months ago, the ones that refused to grow in the autumn heat, have perked up their heads and have just begun to look more like plants than dried weeds. 

Maybe the mess and muck and mud aren’t so bad after all. Maybe it’s precisely in the mess that new life can take root … on the path to the barn and in life.

 After all, it was through the mud of the parted Red Sea that God led his people out of slavery and to a new life of freedom (Exodus 14). It was in the muck of a stable that the Savior and Messiah was born and God became human is the mess of childbirth (Luke 2). And it was through the mire and horror of beatings and a bloody death on a Roman cross that redemption and reconciliation were won for us all. 

Perhaps God does his best work in the mud and messes of life.

And so, maybe, it is time to be a fan of winter. Because winter reminds us that it is often in the yuck of life that God works most powerfully to bring new life, new hope, and amazing redemption. It’s in the messy places that we find new ways to bloom through his grace. Those places in life where rain has come instead of snow and it’s made a mess of things, those times when we have to put on the big boots and muddle through as best we can, those areas of life that aren’t neat and tidy as we hoped and planned … those are the very places in which God is most deeply at work to bring new growth and new life.  It’s in the messiest parts of life that we most fully encounter God’s wonder.

So as I’m slogging through the mud of winter, wiping away grimy paw prints yet again, scrubbing shoes that were once clean, and dreaming of the picture-perfect scenes of spring, I remind myself that it’s here, in the mess, that I encounter the beauty of an active and loving God. It’s here that I find him with sleeves rolled up, working to bring me out of slavery, to come into my world and give me good news of great joy, and to redeem all the mud and muck for his glory. 

It is here that I encounter God’s winter wonderland. And today, I am glad that it’s winter.

Before You're Face Down at the Bottom of the Cage...

Hi Friends,

I'll be sharing this story this week at Juvenile Hall ... about being real, being honest about who and how you are. It's probably time for all of us to tell the truth before we find ourselves face down at the bottom on the cage . . .

Face Down at the Bottom of the Cage

            It was a big, fat lie.  I smiled as I said it.  And what’s worse, I told it in the church foyer.  

            A friend touched my shoulder.  “How’re you doing?”

            “Fine.  Thanks.” 

            She nodded and made her way into the sanctuary.

            Fine.  I’m doing fine.  I’ve told that lie a hundred times, maybe a thousand.  But it was never bigger than that morning.  Two days before I’d found out that the baby I was carrying had died.  And in two days more I was scheduled for surgery to remove the empty egg sac that was still in me.  So, I was not fine. Not at all.

            I wouldn’t have thought twice about my lie except when I came home that day I found one of my lovebirds dead at the bottom of the cage.  I trembled as I backed away and called to my husband.  “Bryan, can you come in here?”

            He walked over and stared at the bird.  “What happened?”

            I shrugged my shoulders.  “I dunno.  It looked fine yesterday.”

            “How did it go from fine to dead in a day?”  Bryan put on a gardening glove, reached in the cage, and removed the dead bird.  “Well, there’s no marks on it.  Feels a little skinny though.  You’d better look in that book we got on lovebirds.”
            I shivered and turned away.  

            “Are you all right?”

            “I’m fine.”  I said the lie again, softer this time, quieter.

            “Fine, huh?”  Bryan put the dead bird in a box, then waited as I retrieved the book about lovebirds and flipped through the pages.  

            I read about various diseases and sick birds.  Then, I stopped and looked up.  “Wow, look at this.”  I pointed to a paragraph in the book.  “It says here that a lovebird will hide its sickness until it’s about to die.  You can’t tell it’s even sick unless you weigh it twice a week.”

            Bryan nodded.  “It’s too bad.  If we’d have known, we could have tried to do something.”  He tossed the book onto the table.  “Too late now, of course.”

            I sank into a chair and stared at the one bird left in the cage.  “If only we’d known . . .”  It was then that my lie came back to me.  Fine.  Thanks.  I was no different than that foolish lovebird.  By instinct, I, too, hid my emotional and spiritual sickness.  Hid it so well that no one would know I needed help.

            Perhaps that’s why the Bible says, “Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body.”  (Ephesians 4:25, NIV)  I’d always thought that verse meant I shouldn’t try to manipulate others with my words.  And it does mean that.  But maybe it also means that I must open myself to fellow believers.  I need to allow them into my life with truth and honesty.  I have to be vulnerable if I am to be healed.  

            And if I’m not, I may find myself, one day soon, face down at the bottom of my cage.

Encountering Christ in the Mud of Life

Hi Friends,

Got rainstorms here lately which of course means lots of mud! So, here are some related thoughts for life. See what you think!

Winter Wonderland?

In winter, we don’t get snow. We get rain. A lot of it. It falls from the sky in tiny sprinkles, in waving sheets, in giant bucket-dumping sloshes until driveways glisten and puddles form enticing pools for kids to jump in with their new canvas tennis shoes. It rains until potholes become craters and horse pens become mud baths. 

Until there’s nothing but mud and muck and mess.

I’m a much bigger fan of spring. At least, I used to be.

After all, the winter slog is the same every year. I slip on oversized rubber boots, tramp through swamp-like terrain to clean horse stalls, scoop out puddle-filled pig pens, and scrap gunk off equines who have all become the same dark brown color of soggy dirt. Palominos, greys, whites, chestnuts, and duns … all the color of wet earth. Then I trudge back home. I wipe doggie feet. I wash shoes. I clean too many floors. I do it all over again the next day. 

And I thank God for the rain because I live in California where there have been too many years of drought.

But mud is no fun. Muck can be discouraging. And nobody likes a mess.

We like life to be tidy. We like it to go according to plan, our ducks in a row, our horses all their natural colors. Just as it should be.

We like the spring. Winter is too messy.

Yet, as I pull on the big rubber boots one more time, grab a shovel, and head to the barn, I notice something. The patches of clover that died in the fall have started to come to life again. A few bright yellow flowers dot a landscape that had turned to dust. And the little sprigs I planted months ago, the ones that refused to grow in the autumn heat, have perked up their heads and have just begun to look more like plants than dried weeds. 

Maybe the mess and muck and mud aren’t so bad after all. Maybe it’s precisely in the mess that new life can take root … on the path to the barn and in life.

 After all, it was through the mud of the parted Red Sea that God led his people out of slavery and to a new life of freedom (Exodus 14). It was in the muck of a stable that the Savior and Messiah was born and God became human is the mess of childbirth (Luke 2). And it was through the mire and horror of beatings and a bloody death on a Roman cross that redemption and reconciliation were won for us all. 

Perhaps God does his best work in the mud and messes of life.

And so, maybe, it is time to be a fan of winter. Because winter reminds us that it is often in the yuck of life that God works most powerfully to bring new life, new hope, and amazing redemption. It’s in the messy places that we find new ways to bloom through his grace. Those places in life where rain has come instead of snow and it’s made a mess of things, those times when we have to put on the big boots and muddle through as best we can, those areas of life that aren’t neat and tidy as we hoped and planned … those are the very places in which God is most deeply at work to bring new growth and new life.  It’s in the messiest parts of life that we most fully encounter God’s wonder.

So as I’m slogging through the mud of winter, wiping away grimy paw prints yet again, scrubbing shoes that were once clean, and dreaming of the picture-perfect scenes of spring, I remind myself that it’s here, in the mess, that I encounter the beauty of an active and loving God. It’s here that I find him with sleeves rolled up, working to bring me out of slavery, to come into my world and give me good news of great joy, and to redeem all the mud and muck for his glory. 

It is here that I encounter God’s winter wonderland. And today, I am glad that it’s winter.

Learning to Wait - An Advent Reflection

Hi Friends,

I was just talking with a friend who's incarcerated in juvenile hall and thinking about how, for him, Christmas will mean waiting in the "not yet" place of life. His brother is enjoying life overseas. His family will be enjoying a fun Christmas together, his siblings will be able to head down to the local corner store to pick up some Christmas tamales. And he will be in the hall spending Christmas with the other inmates. He will be waiting, hoping, and looking forward to the day when he can join his family and be home. 

And that's what Advent is all about. We're all waiting, hoping, and looking forward with eager anticipation to the moment when Christ is born, when "home" makes His home in our hearts. 

So, for all who are in the waiting place this Christmas season, here is a story from when my Bethany was little. I hope it will encourage you . . .

Christmas Bulb Blues

My one-year-old daughter stood on her tiptoes and reached for a glass bulb halfway up the Christmas tree.  Her fingers wiggled as she struggled to grab the bright red orb. 

I leaned back on the couch and shook my head.  The tree looked silly this year, with the lights and bulbs reaching only partially down the branches.  Everything glass I had carefully hung out of the reach of tiny hands.  Other decorations were placed differently this year as well.  The ceramic old-fashioned Santa was now on top of the bookcase.  The green candles sat high on a shelf.  And the coffee table, usually decorated with my Precious Moments nativity, was completely bare.  Instead the Joseph, Mary, Baby Jesus, and the wise men crowded on top of the television on some cotton “snow.”  

But none of those things interested Bethany now.  All that mattered was to get her hands on that beautiful, shiny ball that hung just beyond her fingertips.  With a grunt she reached higher, then toppled backward.  

“Waaaaa!” came her frustrated cry.  She pointed to the bulb, looked at me, then let out another indignant shriek.  

“No, Bethany, you can’t have that.”

Her lower lip trembled.  Great tears welled in her eyes and tumbled down her cheeks.  She pointed at the bulb again.  “Ma-ma-ma-ma-maaaa…”

“No,” I repeated.  “It’s not for you.”

She pushed herself to a standing position, stomped her feet, and cried all the louder.  

I handed her a stuffed reindeer.  

She promptly threw it on the floor.  

I sighed, picked her up, and took her to her crib.  A few minutes there and she’d remember how to be a good girl and take “no” for an answer.  

I returned to the family room and glanced at the offending bulb.  It really was beautiful, with swirls of deep red and a two silver stripes made of glitter.  I removed it from the branch and held it in my hand.  In a few years, Bethany would not only be able to touch this bulb, but she’d probably be helping me to place it on the tree.   But for now she wasn’t ready.  I’d heard stories of babies breaking ornaments and putting the shards in their mouths.  Just the thought made me shiver.  Bethany, however, didn’t understand that she wasn’t old enough to be trusted with a glass bulb.  To her, it was something good, something desirable.  So, why would I not allow her to have it?  

I turned the bulb over and place it on the back of the tree, even further out of Bethany’s reach.  Then, I went to get her from her crib.  As I did, I realized my daughter’s actions weren’t so different from my own.  I, too, stomped my feet and cried when God didn’t give me the good things that I wanted.  I thought about the new book contract I was praying for, my hopes for new members for our small church, the house we’d put an offer on but weren’t able to buy.  Good things, all of them, as good as a shiny red Christmas bulb.  But for me too, these bulbs were just out of reach.  

As I put Bethany on the floor to play with the stuffed reindeer, I wondered if God was also saying to me, “You’re not ready yet.  Wait.”  What if He was simply letting me “grow up” a bit before he gave me the good things that I wanted?  If so, I needed to focus on growing in him, and trusting him to know what’s best for me in this particular place in my life.  

For me, like Bethany, that’s been a difficult thing to do.  It’s hard to trust.  But God says to me, “’For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.’” (Jeremiah 29:11, NIV)  And so, when those good things I want are just out of reach, I have to remind myself, sometimes it’s right to wait.  Sometimes, I may just need to grow up.

Tasting the Turkey

Hi Friends,

My husband just shared this oldie-but-goodie with the staff at our church for a fun little Thanksgiving devotional. See what you think! (Picture is from our recent visit to visit our college girls at SLO!)

Tasting the Turkey

"Yum!"  It was Thanksgiving day and I was in the kitchen, sneaking bits of turkey while no one was looking.  To my ten-year-old mind, nothing could compare to Mom’s perfectly cooked turkey.  I stuck my fingers into the warm juice and pulled off another piece.  "Ahhh," I sighed and smiled.  It was delicious.  I glanced around then snatched another bite.  

This is my favorite part of Thanksgiving, I thought, licking my fingers as the turkey juices dripped down my hand.  I loved to sample the little pieces of turkey that fell to the bottom of the pan during cooking.  It was like a special, tasty prize that made my mouth water just to think about it.  I jammed a fourth piece of turkey into my mouth and rubbed my belly, enjoying the dual pleasures of taste and smell.

At my Sunday School three days later, Pastor Ron visited our class.  He sat down on the stool in front and straightened his collar.  His eyes swept over the students. "Let me tell you a story," he began.  "There was a man named Joe.  Joe spent his life doing stuff that was very bad.  He drank.  He gambled.  He lived a wild life.  He swore all the time and never went to church.  When he ran out of money, he robbed a store and then continued his bad living.  On his death bed, Joe knew he was going to die, so he begged God for forgiveness and decided to trust in Jesus.  That night, Joe died and went to Heaven, the same as if he had loved and served God all his life.  What do you think of that?"

"Hey, that's not fair!," I burst forth.  My cheeks grew red with annoyance. 

"No, it's not fair," he agreed.  "Not fair to Joe.”

“To Joe?” I questioned.  “What do you mean?”

“I mean it's not fair because Joe missed the greatest joys in life."      

"But he was bad!” I exclaimed, sputtering in confusion.  “If he could get into heaven, why should I bother to do what I’m told?  I may as well go out and rob a store too!”

My Pastor smiled.  “Do you really think so?”

I lowered my head and stared at my feet.  Then, I shrugged my shoulders.

Pastor Ron cleared his throat.  

I looked up at him again.  His mouth was quirked in a strange half-grin.

"Tell me," he continued, "have you ever sneaked into the kitchen to taste a little bit of turkey before the Thanksgiving meal?"

I drew a quick breath and nodded my head.  My eyes grew wide in shock.  How had he known?  I remembered back to my time in the kitchen just three days before.  Yes, I knew very well what it was like to taste the turkey.  It was great!

"Well," he said, glancing at the rest of the class, "that's just what it's like for you and me.  All the time we spend serving God in this life is just like sneaking into the kitchen to taste the turkey.  We get a little taste of heaven before the great banquet.  Joe, on the other hand, doesn't get to taste the turkey in this life.  He has to wait.  Just think of all the fun he missed out on here in this life."

"Wow," I whispered, "I never thought of it like that.

Pastor Ron chuckled.  "Now, every time you sneak a bit of turkey, you can think about the fact that every day you spend serving God is a little taste of heaven here on earth."

To this day, I still sneak my little bit of turkey before the Thanksgiving meal, and every time I thank God for another day spent in His love, tasting the turkey of Heaven.

When You're a Muddy Mess

Hey all,

We brought our white horses, Blizzard and Flint, into Carr Lake Community Day School (an alternative ed school for kids who have been expelled from other schools) today. We had a great time talking about the stories of these rescue horses and and trouble with having white horses in winter (wow, they get dirty!). Here's an excerpt, and a take-away for us all:

            I, too, often become a muddy mess when confronted with the storms of life. When the rain beats down hard and creates so much muck and mud that I not only find myself standing in it, but I also wallow it. And sometimes it stains me dark brown and nasty green.

            Sometimes I am not who I was created to be, not anymore. But God do isn't leave me that way. Like me with my horses, God gets out the brushes and hose and delights to make me clean and whole again.

             So when we look at ourselves and say, “Girl (or boy), you’re a muddy mess!” it’s good to remember that our God sees beneath the dirt and stains. He loves us enough to make us clean and beautiful again, no matter how many times we roll in the muck.

Get Rid of Those Dead Branches!

Hi Friends,

It's tree trimming time of year again, and I was reminded of this story when Grandpa and I trimmed trees together . . .

Trimming Trees with Grandpa

I stared up at the branches of the oak tree and swung the puny set of clippers in my hand. It was hot. The branches were high. But not high enough. At least not according to my kids.

I walked around the tree trunk twice, evaluating the task at hand. A moment later, three of my daughters rode up on their horses and stopped outside the tree’s canopy. “If it was all just a foot higher,” one said, “we could ride underneath and not hit our heads.”

I sighed. “But the shade is better this way.”

“Mooooom.” 

 “I know, I know. Not safe.” I groaned. I knew I needed to do some trimming, but it would be so much easier to just let the branches be. Maybe it would be better to wait for the weather to be cooler, or for a better set of clippers, or for life to be easier, or to feel more encouraged,or energetic, or hopeful, or passionate, or … 

I drew a deep breath. No. Today was the day. Even though it was hard work, and I was ill equipped, and, well, I really didn’t feel like it.

         Still, I raised the clippers and made my first cut on the lowest branch. Snip, snap. A twig skittered down my shirt. Snap, snip. Another twig and three dry leaves stuck in my hair. Snip, snip, crack! A bigger branch came tumbling down. I jumped aside. Then, I squinted up into the canopy. The small hole I’d made revealed a network of dead branches tucked behind the living ones, branches I hadn’t noticed before. They were ugly, unhealthy. 

         I stood on my tiptoes but couldn’t reach the newly exposed deadness. Now what was I going to do? I couldn’t leave all that bare lifelessness just hanging there.

         “What are you doing?”

         I turned to see Grandpa striding toward me, a frown marring his brow. 

         I stared up at the tree again. “Trimming! But this is a bigger job than I thought.”

         Grandpa moved beside me and glanced up at the dead branches. “You need a chainsaw for that. And a ladder.”

“I don’t know how to work the chainsaw.”

He laughed. “A chainsaw is above your pay grade.”

I smiled as Grandpa trundled back to his garage and came back with a ladder and saw. Then together, and only together, we began to tackle the hard-to-reach branches. I held the ladder and handed him tools. He trimmed and cut. And we both looked for more dead branches nestled within the canopy. 

In time, the deadness was gone, the tree branches were higher, and the tree was lush and lovely, just as it was meant to be. I grinned. Grandpa grinned. Then we sat down beneath the tree and enjoyed some iced tea in the shade. 

After a few minutes, Grandpa set down his glass and murmured, “This will be better when winter comes.”

“What do you mean?”        

“Winter storms. Wind can blow through the branches because they’re cleaned up. Storm won’t knock this tree down.”

And all because we cleared away the deadness.               

There are dead places in my life too. In John 15:2 (NIV), Jesus says of God, “He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful.” In the original Greek, the word for “he prunes” is the same as the word for “he cleans.” Just as Grandpa helped me to clean up the oak tree, so too God helps me to clean up the dead places in my life so I can be more fruitful, more of what he created me to be. It’s not an easy task. And the chainsaw of life is also above my pay grade. 

But God comes alongside me. He brings the ladder and wields the chainsaw. He is the one to cut and prune. Yet, I must stand with him, looking for the dead places, doing my part. Together, God and I can make my life into the beautiful tree it was meant to be.

Because when the dead branches are cleared away, my kids can safely run and play in my shade. I will provide a better resting place from the heat of the sun, and more importantly, God and I can sit in the shade and enjoy a refreshing drink of grace together. 

And when the storms come, and I know they’ll come, I won’t be blown off course because now the Holy Spirit can now rustle through my branches.

Watching for Wonder at Juvenile Hall

Hi Friends,

Just a quick note today. As you probably know, I've been so enjoying my time with our horses and animals at juvenile hall. The guys there are so receptive to honest, open relationships and appreciate the time we spend with them. They are SUCH good role models in that way (who knew?!?!). 

I am reminded that we, too, are often "incarcerated" in this life. And what if we, if I, received whatever God brought to me with gratitude, openness, and appreciation. What if I spent my time watching for the wonder God brings? I want to do that!

I've learned other things from the guys, too. Things like ...

--there's beauty all around me, even in difficult situations

--I matter (just like they matter) and am beloved by God no matter what I've done

--I am seen, heard, and Someone cares

--I have a choice - I can receive what God is offering to me, or I can choose to be closed off, angry, resentful. I can also choose gratitude or blame. I choose gratitude!

--I am not alone. God is always with me.

Anyway, those are just a few of the things I'm pondering and letting sink deep as I meet with these kids who have made terrible mistakes, have been through terrible trauma, and are precious, wondrous, unique and beautiful people. When I am with them, I see God.

I hope you see Him where you are too!

Dare to Trust

Hi Friends,

I've been thinking about this story to share at juvenile hall. See what you think! Maybe you will find this story of two wild horses encouraging as well.

Two Wild Horses

            Two new horses. Untrained. Barely handled. I looked at the two in their stalls in my barn. Both were sweet, both had a kind eye, but one gazed back at me with trust while the other snorted with suspicion.

            I walked over and pet the mare, Cookie, who turned her head to accept my embrace. Maverick snorted again. I raised a hand slowly to touch his face over the fence. He allowed the touch, but no more.

            I sighed. A few weeks earlier we had picked both horses up from the equine rescue. My daughters wanted to train up a couple horses for the rescue so that they would be more easily adoptable. A summer project, they said. To help the horses and the rescue.

            I’d agreed. 

            So there they were, two wild horses, ready to be transformed into the animals they were meant to be.

            Weeks passed. My daughters worked diligently with both horses. The mare loved the work. She loved to have people come give her attention. She trusted her young trainers, listened carefully, and met them every day at her gate. With each new lesson, she tried to learn, endeavored to understand. She even allowed the farrier to trim her hooves and keep her feet healthy.

            The gelding wanted to please as well. He wanted to learn. But he was afraid. He stood at the back of his stall, unsure if he could trust a person enough to walk forward. What if someone hurt him? What if it went badly? What if those training him were cruel instead of kind? He tried too. He endeavored to understand. But his fears interfered with his training. He wouldn’t allow the farrier near his feet, even though they were badly in need of a trim and hurting him. So he had to endure too-long hooves with chips and cracks.

            The end of the summer drew near. The mare was already being ridden, learning reining cues and how to stop, turn, start. She had come a long way from the horse who knew nothing except that her trainer was to be trusted.

            The gelding had come a long way too. My daughters could touch him, lead him, and saddle him. But he still couldn’t be ridden. A rider scared him too much. Once, he’d kick one of my girls. Another time he’d spun and kicked out at another. And his hooves were still long and broken.

            My daughters had spent their summer simply trying to gain his trust. And they’d been able to move forward. But the horse who was able to trust had learned so much more. She was happier, healthier, and ready to accept new challenges. Fears had not held her back.

            In the end, we ended up adopting the mare. She trusted us, so we could trust her. The gelding was scheduled to go back to the rescue to be further trained and worked with until he could have his feet trimmed and learn to trust a rider.

            As I thought about those two horses, I saw that trust is key to growth. When I am like the mare, trusting God, eager for his presence and his lessons, I move forward in relationship with him with less pain and able to accept his love. I can hold still for his care and move forward with nice, trimmed toes.

            When I am like the gelding, snorting, holding back, fearful, God still works with me, loves me, trains me, but the task is more difficult and filled with unnecessary pain.

            Sometimes, like the gelding, I have good reasons for my lack of trust, lack of faith. Things in my past have hurt me, made me suspicious, cautious, and sometimes fearful. But whether I reasons or not, the results are the same. Fear hurts me. Lack of trust and faith keeps me from fully becoming who I was created to be. 

            Reasons or not, trust is better.

            Psalm 112:6-8 (NIV) tells us, “Surely the righteous will never be shaken…They will have no fear of bad news; their hearts are steadfast, trusting in the Lord. Their hearts are secure, they will have no fear…”

            So, as I stand in my barn, considering the difference between two wild horses, I know that I want to be more like Cookie, the mare. I want to dare to trust more, believe more, love more. Despite my past hurts. Despite past pain.

            I want to dare to trust the God who loves me, and let him guide me as a rider guides the horse he loves. I want a steadfast heart that trusts God without fear. 

            And I want to be his forever.

Faith or Fear?

Hi Friends,

Just shared this story at juvenile hall this week. Maybe you will also find it encouraging...

Faith or Fear?

         The door burst open. Bethany rushed through, her thirteen-year-old sister screaming in her arms.

         I leapt from the couch. “What happened?”
         “Comet trampled her.” 

         Bria loved her new horse. She spent hours with him, and nothing like this had ever happened before.

         Bethany hurried to the couch and laid a writhing Bria on it. I knelt beside her. “Where does it hurt?”

         Tears streamed down her face as she pointed to her pelvis and upper thighs. “My lower back too,” she gasped.

         Ever so carefully we pulled off her jeans and examined the deep, already-forming bruises. 

         “Can you move your toes?”

         She did. “He, he got scared.” She spoke between sobs. “Didn’t know what he was doing. Ran right over me.”

         I frowned. “Do you think anything’s broken?”

         She gulped. “I don’t know. Ahhhhh!” A yowl burst from her lips as my fingers barely brushed the bruises. “It hurts. It hurts really bad.” She choked on a sob as I rose and turned to a terrified Bethany. 

         “I’m going to bring the car to the front door. Can you get her in the back seat?”

         Bethany bit her lip and nodded.

         I ran for the car and drove it as close to the door as I could. Bethany scooped up Bria and laid her in the back seat. 

         Then we sped to the emergency room of our local hospital. Bethany lifted Bria and raced her inside. I parked and hurried after them.

         By the time I entered, Bria was already sitting at the nurse’s station, describing in gasps what had happened.

         “I was leading my horse up the hill to the round pen like I always do. Everything was normal. But then something happened. Something rustled in the bushes. I don’t know. He got scared. I tried to calm him, but he wouldn’t listen. He pulled away. Then pushed me down. Trampled me as he ran off into the poison oak.”

         The nurse then typed in notes about her injuries and called for a bed. Moments later, Bria was rolled inside, given painkillers, and scheduled for numerous tests and scans that would happen in the following hours.

         Late that night a doctor entered Bria’s hospital room and smiled. Then he shook his head. “I don’t know how, but she’s going to be okay. There are no broken bones or internal injuries.” He glanced at Bria. “It’s going to hurt like crazy for several days, and I suggest you use crutches, but I don’t anticipate any problems with you healing right up.”

         After a collective sigh of relief, Bria was fitted for crutches, and we headed home. Halfway there, I glanced over at Bria. “What are we going to do about Comet?”

         She sighed. “He just needs to learn to not lose his head when he’s scared. He just needs to learn to trust me.”

         Profound words from a thirteen-year-old girl who just had the scariest experience of her life.  In all her pain, all her fear, she had kept her head. I had too (you have to when your kid gets hurt!). Comet had not. In his fear, he had hurt the person who loves him most in all the world. He had run right over her. 

         In Isaiah 41:10 (NIV), God tells us, “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” 

         Unlike Comet, we need to trust the One who leads us to where we need to be. When there’s something rustling in the bushes, when we see something flapping out of the corner of our eye, we have a choice. Faith or fear? Do we stay calm and keep following the One who is taking us up the hill to the place where we can grow stronger? Or do we let fear dominate our actions so that we turn on the ones who love us and hurt them?

         Fear hurts, not only the one who’s afraid, but also everyone around them. It tramples, it bruises, then it runs off into places filled with poison.

         But we don’t have to fear. In the months since the accident, Comet has learned how to trust, how to have faith, despite his fears. We can too. 

         Even in the face of triggers, of things that have scared us or gone wrong in the past, God is asking us to trust the One leading us to higher ground.

Will You Save a Seat for God?

Hi Friends,

A little story I thought you might enjoy . . .

Save a Seat

 

            The lights dimmed. Kids wiggled on the bench in the big auditorium.  Mostly my kids wiggled, eagerly awaiting the show that would commence in just minutes. The theater filled with families, parents, grandparents, singles, until the room buzzed with breathing, whispering, and the rustle of many bodies pressed into a space.

            An usher dressed in a bright blue jacket pushed up the aisle. He leaned over my youngest who sat at the end next to her sister.  Jordyn widened her seat, her arms spread to the side, her feet swinging.

            “Squeeze in, please.” The usher waved toward the center of the bench.

            Jordyn lifted her chin. “No. Daddy’s seat.”  She straightened and did not budge. “Daddy sits here!”

            “You need to scoot in, please.”

            “My Daddy is sitting here.” Her voice came out low, but determined. She was not going to move. And no usher, no matter how fancy his suit, was going to make her.

            The usher moved on. 

            Bria’s voice rose over the hush around us. “Jordyn! He asked you to move!”

            Jordyn scowled. “No. I told you. Daddy sits here.”

            Bria make a face and looked down the row at me. “Mom! Make her move. Dad can sit on the other end.”

            I shook my head. “I don’t think anyone’s changing her mind. Looks like Daddy’s going to be sitting right there.” I grinned. Daddy was out parking the car after letting us off at the door. He would come soon, and in the meantime, his little girl was determined to save him a seat right by her.  

            A few minutes later, Bryan trotted up the aisle to our row. 

            Jordyn beamed. “I saved you a seat, Daddy!” She scooted over. 

            But instead of sitting beside her, Bryan scooped up his little girl into his arms and sat her on his lap. For the rest of the show, she snuggled happily in his arms and enjoyed the warmth of her Daddy’s love. When the lights dimmed further and the darkness came, Jordyn was not afraid. When a cannon boomed and smokey stage-fire shot toward us, the rest of us jumped, but Jordyn stayed snug against her daddy. When the show slowed and the dialogue became too complex for Jordyn to understand, she didn’t squirm, she didn’t complain, she just sat tucked in Daddy’s arms.

            On the way home, I thought about the wisdom of a little girl who so fiercely protected Daddy’s seat, the place where her father could come near to her and show her his love.

            I want to be that little girl. I want to be the kind of daughter who cannot be persuaded to give up her Father-in-Heaven’s seat beside her. I want to be the one who so longs to be near my Abba Daddy that I make sure I save His seat and don’t let anyone else sit there. I don’t let anyone else take His place.

            Even if someone bigger than me in fancy clothes tells me there’s no room for my Father here in such a public place, even if a family member thinks I’m wrong and tells others, even if a kind stranger asks if he can sit there instead ... the place closest to me, the place closest to my heart, must be reserved for the God who loves me more than I can imagine. 

            Hebrews 10:22-23 (NIV) says, “...let us draw near to God with a sincere heart and with the full assurance that faith brings, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.” Similarly, James 4:8 (NIV) calls us to, “Come near to God and he will come near to you.”

            So today, and every day, I want to save the seat closest to my heart for my Father, who will come, scoop me up, and hold me next to his heart even when the lights go dark, even cannons boom, even when everyone around me is afraid, even when I don’t understand what’s happening in the show. 

            My Father will hold me close, if only I save His seat.