I wanted to share a little except from my book, WAITING FOR WONDER, that's coming out in November (hopefully). So, for anyone who's waiting…
EXCERPT (note: the test I talk about ended up being negative - whew)
Waiting. I’ve never been a fan. But it seems I have a PhD in the art. Waiting for the results of infertility treatments, waiting for an answer for a job, waiting for a change in a relationship, waiting for a change in life.
And recently, waiting for test results that could mean cancer, or could mean nothing. Once again, I was in the waiting place. I was stuck in Haran. And while there, I wrote this:
I find myself here again, in this waiting place. The place where I know God is sovereign. I know He holds my life in His hands. I know He is there. I know He cares. I know the very hairs on my head are numbered...as are my days.
And yet there is a knot in my stomach and my eyes flicker to the phone. Again. And again. It does not ring. Not yet. Of course not yet.
But I watch anyway. I swallow. And remind myself of all the things I already know.
-Who among you by worrying can add a single moment to your life? (Mt 6:27/Lk 12:25)
-Therefore stop worrying about tomorrow, because tomorrow will worry about itself. (Mt 6:34)
-Therefore, I say to you, don’t worry about your life... (Lk 12:22)
-Don’t be anxious about anything... (Phil 4:6)
And my glance skitters to the phone again.
Today, I had my yearly mammogram and screening. Today, they found something on my right side. Today could be the first day of a very painful journey.
But I don’t know yet. I am stuck here, in-between.
It’s the not knowing that twists like a dagger through my soul. It’s the not being able to move forward. Not being able to move back. Trust is harder in the waiting place.
So I watch the phone, even though I know the radiologist probably hasn’t even looked at the scans. Even though I know it is too soon. Even though, if she calls, it will only be to bring me in for more tests.
I hate waiting.
But it’s not a choice.
It’s something that’s thrust upon you.
And still I wait... I drown in the waiting.
God, you were with me in the past. You will be with me no matter the future.
Are you here, too, in the waiting place?
And I discovered, YES, God is in the waiting! I hope this excerpt encourages you as it encouraged me today.