Hey Friends,
Things have been so ugly in society lately, haven't they? Accusations flying back and forth, blame thrown like knives at those with whom people disagree. I was thinking of how difficult, but how very needed, it is right now to reflect the character and love of Christ. As I was thinking, I came upon this short article I'd written years ago. It seems even more relevant today. See what you think:
Ouch! That Hurts!
--Responding to Criticism--
We all dread the moment. But, it comes at work, at home, and even at church. Someone bears down on us, face red, brow furrowed in frustration. We take a deep breath and steel ourselves for what's ahead. Before we can think of anything to say, the complaints start spewing out.
Even if people are well-intentioned, their criticism hurts. What do we say when we're faced with such attacks? How can we respond in a Christ-like manner? Here's some suggestions:
DO
1. Do keep a cool head. Anger will cloud your reasoning.
2. Do say a quick prayer, asking God keep you from being defensive and to show you any truth in the person's words.
3. Do hear the criticism without allowing it to affect your self worth. God can use criticism to point out flaws that He hopes to change.
4. Do hear the feelings behind the complaints. Sometimes criticism is the way people say, "I need help. I feel bad, and I want you to fix it." Watch for an opportunity to show that you care. A sensitive, rather than argumentative, response will make the other person feel valued, not demeaned.
5. Do be ready to admit any fault of your own, no matter how small.
6. Do ask the person to be part of the solution. Perhaps they can fill in where they think you're falling short.
7. Do thank the person for their concern (whether their words show concern or not).
DON'T
1. Don't immediately jump to your own defense. In time, you may need to present your side of the story, but to do so initially will only make your critic try harder to convince you of your fault.
2. Don't tell the person they're wrong. Being adversarial only causes resentment.
3. Don't answer immediately, especially if you find your emotions starting to flare. Instead ask for time to think and pray about what was said. Tell your critic you'll get back with him later. (Then do so.)
4. Don't worry about being right. It's better to be accused falsely than to lambaste the other person. Remember that your relationship with the criticizer is more important than who is right. Differences should be honestly and healthily confronted, but they won’t always be resolved.
Finally, remember that Jesus, too, was criticized and condemned. But, "when they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead he entrusted himself to him who judges justly" (1 Peter 2:23 NIV). Criticism, and even injustice, are an opportunity to reflect the character of Christ.
